Three Words
by Spanish Ninja Sneasel
Summary: A short fic of Ash remembering... something. Can't tell you what. ^_^ PG-13 for language and VERY mild sexual content. Drama's the only thing it fit in.


(You know the drill. I don't own Pokemon or anything like that. The song lyrics in the fic are from the Counting Crows song "Time and Time Again." I don't own that song, or Counting Crows for that matter. thankyouforyourtime)_  
  
"I wanted so badly  
Somebody other than me  
Staring back at me  
But you were gone  
Gone, gone."_  
  
It wasn't fair. I looked out the excuse for a window to the sky. From the way it looked outside, I'd say it was three-thirty, four A.M. I drew my head away from the square cut in the wooden wall and looked down at the blankets that had been laid all over the floor. They had been there last time I went to this place. It just wasn't fair.  
  
_"I wanted to see you walking backwards  
To get the sensation of you coming home  
I wanted to see you walking away from me  
Without the sensation you're leaving me alone."_  
  
He was too young. There was no questioning it. He was only fifteen. He didn't deserve it. Not like that. There was also no questioning that it happened nonetheless and there was nothing that could bring him back now. But maybe that's why I was here. Maybe that's why I went all the way back to Viridian forest just to find this little treehouse. He made this house. He did a good job at hiding the damned thing, too. It took me probably two hours to find it, and my guess was that I had been hiding away in it for about three. I had only been to the treehouse once before, but I loved it. Dammit, I loved the place. I went without Pikachu. Or any of my other Pokemon, as a matter of fact. I didn't take any of them with me the first time, but that was a different situation. This time I needed to be alone. No. I didn't need to be alone. I needed to be with him. I needed to talk to him again, I needed to say something--anything--to him again. One more time. I needed to apologize. But I chose not to, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to change that.  
  
_"I wanted to ocean to cover over me  
I wanna sink slowly without getting wet  
Maybe someday I won't be so lonely  
And I'll walk on water every chance I get."  
_  
I sunk down against the wall and let myself lay down in the blankets spread around. I buried my face in one and took in the scent. It smelled like him. A mixture of him and the forest air. I had to stop myself from crying right then and there. But why was I stopping myself? Why wouldn't I let myself cry? There was no one around. Maybe he was. He spent whatever free time he had in here. He could still be here. Inside, I wished he was. I wished he could read my thoughts and he knew I was sorry. I was sorry for ignoring him and avoiding him. That I wanted him to come back. There was so much left unsaid, and I knew it was my fault. I shut my eyes and allowed the tears building in my eyes to fall.  
  
_"Time and time again  
Time and time again  
Time and time again  
I can't please myself."_  
  
My thoughts wandered further. I winced when one thought crossed my mind. How much pain he had gone through. He was in horrible condition when they found him. Beaten. Raped. Stabbed. Dumped into a back alley, barely breathing. I swear to God, when the find the guy who did that to him, I'm gonna burn him to the ground. As soon as I heard what happened, I headed straight to Pallet to see him in the hospital, but he only stayed alive a little over twenty-four hours. But that was twenty-four hours he had to suffer. I'm not saying that I wanted him to die sooner. I wished that nothing had happened at all and he was still alive. Breathing. _Happy_. But after what did happen to him, he would have been better off is he didn't have to go through any more pain. I took in a quavering breath and forced the a blanket to my eyes so I wouldn't cry.  
  
_"So when are you coming home, sweet angel?  
You're leaving me alone?  
Well, if I'm drowning, darling  
You come down this way on your own."  
_  
__ __ __  
  
I was running. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I was running. I lifted my head and looked around through my blurry eyes. The forest. I was heading to Viridian forest. Being a Pallet Town native, I knew a shortcut to the forest from Pallet. When I got deep enough into the woods, I finally slowed down to a subtle halt. After catching my breath, I slid down against a tree and broke into an all-out cry. I wrapped my arms around myself; it was so cold in that forest in the middle of the night. I relayed the things she said to me through my mind once again. Nothing she said ever got to me like that before. But it was different now. Now that she knew.  
  
There was a sudden rustling sound to my left. I jumped up, fearing it was a Noctowl or Ariados. I stayed still and quiet for a while, listening attentively to the sounds I heard. I studied the pattern of the rustling and determined that whoever was in there, they were human.  
  
"Who's there?" I ignorantly called, realizing only after that if it was a psycho or something, I practically put a glowing neon sign over my head.  
  
"...Ash? Is that you?" a male voice called out. Apparently, whoever was in there was as stupid as me. Figures, though. This person knew who I was, and I didn't know too many intelligent people.  
  
The person finally emerged from the brush, letting himself be seen. Although it was dark, I could still see that it was him. I stood up, surprised to see him in the woods in the middle of the night.  
  
"I... Uh... What are you doing here?"  
  
"I could ask the same of you. It's one o'clock in the morning, you know."  
  
"I'm perfectly aware of that," I snapped.  
  
"Hey, don't bite. Did something happen?"  
  
"Why don't you tell me why you're out here first?"  
  
"I come out here all the time. And you can't say that you do, too, because I've never seen you here in the middle of the night. Now tell me."  
  
I sighed and lowered my head. He must have had some concern if he was being so persistent. There was a soft touch to his voice. I had heard that tone before. He was serious. "It's Misty."  
  
"What about Misty?" he slowly walked over and knelt down next to me.  
  
"It's kind of hard to explain... Let's just say she found out something I didn't want her to know."  
  
"What? You mean that you like her?" he questioned casually. I looked up at him. "It's not exactly a secret, Ash."  
  
I sighed again. "Liked. I had a little crush on her, but I don't anymore. Someone told her I still did, she wouldn't tell me who. When I tried explaining to her that it was in the past, she thought I was denying it and got mad. Some of the things she said... Well... They hurt."  
  
"Like what?" his voice seemed calm, almost reassuring.  
  
"She said if I kept acting like that, I'd never find anyone who could love me."  
  
"That's bullshit," the tone in his voice suddenly sounded somewhat angry. "Don't listen to her, she's just wrapped up in herself. She's always been."  
  
"Well, yeah..." I mumbled in agreement. "But... Why are you so concerned?"  
  
"I don't want to see you upset over her, okay?" he quickly stood up and turned away, walking around a bit.  
  
"Sorry," I uttered, not knowing exactly what I was sorry for.  
  
He dug his hands into his pockets and sighed, his breath showing up in the chilled air. He turned to me again. "Well, I'm freezing. How about you?"  
  
I nodded, feeling no need to actually say anything.  
  
"Come on," he tilted his head to the left, signaling me to follow him there.  
  
I got up from the roots of the tree and trudged up to him. "Where are we going?"  
  
"I have a place to warm up. Its obvious you don't want to go back to town," he started off in that direction. He seemed to know exactly where he was going, and I was just the sheep.  
  
He eventually stopped at a group of trees bundled together. There were a lot of them in the forest. What was special about this one?  
  
"...What's this?" I asked. He didn't answer. Instead, he walked to the right side of it and proceeded to climb a ladder. I looked up higher in the trees and saw a wooden structure. "Oh, I see!"  
  
I heard him chuckle as he kept climbing. I ran to the ladder and made my way up. By the time I reached the top, he was already in. I took a look around. The place was fairly small; it looked like it could fit four of five people sitting down as a maximum. The entire floor was covered with blankets and sheets. The best excuse for a carpet, I thought to myself. There was one small window on the side, which he covered with a smaller sheet. As soon as I stepped in, he came straight to the entrance and pulled a string, sending a blanket over the doorway.  
  
"How the hell are we supposed to warm up with everything open?" he smiled. He came back to the center and sat down across from me. I set my cap down in the corner. "Take a blanket," he gestured his hand to the floor. I looked around and pulled a blanket out from under me, falling straight on my face. Of course, he laughed.  
  
"It's not that funny," I jokingly growled. I got back on my knees and wrapped the blanket over my shoulders.  
  
"Better?"  
  
I nodded in reply. "Did you make this place?"  
  
"Mhm. I've had it for about a year. I come here whenever I have the time," he suddenly grabbed my shirt collar and pulled me up to him. "And you're the only one who knows about it, so you'd better keep your mouth shut," he threatened playfully.  
  
"Oh, and what'll you do if I tell someone?" I confidently sneered.  
  
"Then I'm afraid I'm going to have to..." he suddenly cut short there, his expression becoming abruptly serious.  
  
I could feel the tension. I knew he felt it, too. That's why he stopped. He kept his eyes on mine as I did his. He loosened the grip on my shirt, but I stayed close to him. He noticed that, and slowly, cautiously moved his hand down my shoulder.  
  
I had no idea what was coming over me. I had a sudden rush... Of something... It was strange. I never felt that before. He seemed just as baffled as I did. His hand stayed on my shoulder for a while. His eyes moved from my face to his hand, then he slid it gently down my arm. He picked up my own hand and held it. I welcomed his actions, and the only way I could think of to show it was to hold his hand in return. His eyes came back to meet mine. I could see a look in his face. The same look that I probably had.  
  
His breath started quavering. But it wasn't over the same emotions I was feeling; he seemed nervous, a little embarrassed. He slowly let go of my hand and looked down. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled quietly.  
  
I didn't want him to stop. I didn't want him to be afraid of me. I did the only thing I could think of to let him know that. I kissed him.  
  
He didn't seem to object. He actually appeared happy, a little relieved. This fueled me to continue. After a while, he started kissing me back, then proceeding to bring his hands to my back. I slid one hand to the side of his face, then down the back of his neck. I pulled myself closer to him and he did the same. Before I knew what was happening he was pushing his body over mine, I had both arms around him and I was slipping my tongue into his mouth.  
  
At that point I became completely enveloped in the scene. I didn't care about guilt or what would happen if someone found out. All I cared about was that there was a connection between us and we were both enjoying ourselves. I gripped onto his shirt and pulled it over his head, revealing his smooth, perfectly shaped chest. I let one hand go down and feel his pectoral muscles. He pulled his lips away from mine and balanced on his arms, giving my hand more room. He was breathing intensely. He raised one hand and removed my shirt as well, then reached behind him to grab a blanket, covering us both.  
  
As he kissed my chest and stomach, I completely forgot what I was upset about in the first place. But I didn't care to know, either. This was all that mattered to me, and I wasn't going to let anything get in the way.  
  
__ __ __  
  
_"I can't please myself  
And I can't please nobody else."_  
  
I was gone before we woke up. I may not have cared about embarrassment as it was happening, but I was terrified of it afterwards. I was only in Pallet for a few more days after that, and throughout the rest of the visit I didn't say a word to him. I was too ashamed. He never said anything to me, either. If we would come across each other, he'd look away. I could see hurt in his eyes. I had hurt him. I only realize now how much that meant to me. I couldn't apologize to him now, he was gone. The truth was that I loved him. I loved that night. But I let my paranoia get in the way of that. And now I lay here in the treehouse where I spent that night. The single night in my Godforsaken life in which felt completely and entirely free. It felt comfortable. It felt _right_. but I never thanked him. And I never apologized. I never said those three little words that could have made me feel right again. I closed my eyes and just hoped he could hear me now.  
  
"I'm sorry, Gary."  



End file.
